Insecure attachment (attachment disorder) is actually considered a root cause of various issues like depression, personality disorders, addiction, and trauma. However, obtaining concrete information on how to specifically address it remains challenging.
In this article, a licensed psychologist, under the supervision of a physician, has compiled key points based on professional expertise regarding what is necessary to treat and overcome attachment disorders. We invite you to read on.
＜Created 2025.9.26／Last Updated 2025.9.26＞
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Author of this ArticleIchitaro Miki (みきいちたろう) Licensed Psychologist Graduated from Osaka University; Completed Master's Program at Osaka University Graduate School Engaged in clinical psychology for over 20 years. Specializes in trauma and attachment disorders that cause various struggles and difficulties in life. Author of books including ‘Developmental Trauma: The True Nature of “Difficulty in Life”’ (cumulative sales approx. 40,000 copies) Appearances on TV programs, production collaboration/supervision for dramas, contributions to web media and magazines, numerous publications. |
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Medical Supervision for This ArticleDr. Keiro Iijima (Psychosomatic Medicine, etc.) Not only a specialist in psychosomatic medicine, but also a clinical psychologist, Kampo physician, and general practitioner, with expertise across these fields. He specializes particularly in treating somatic symptom disorder and autonomic imbalance. View full profile here |
・Certified psychologists provide descriptions, explanations, and key points based on years of clinical experience and client experiences (particularly from the perspectives of attachment and trauma therapy).
・References are drawn from specialized literature and objective data to the best of our knowledge.
・We strive to incorporate the latest research findings whenever possible.
・This article has been translated from the original Japanese using AI. Therefore, it may contain unnatural translations, particularly for specialized terms.
Table of Contents
・Point 1: Recognize that “attachment” can be restored
・Point 2: Create a safe and secure environment
・Point 3: Avoid Overly Fixating on the Relationship with the Caregiver (Mother)
・Point 4. Resolve fixation on the past ~ Update your “Internal Working Model”
・Point 5. Resolve trauma
→Related articles here
・What is Attachment Disorder? Its Characteristics and Symptoms
・Attachment Styles / Types and Characteristics of Attachment Disorders: Diagnosis and Self-Check
Attachment is formed during early childhood, particularly before age three. Many people worry whether it can be resolved or healed in adulthood. The answer is yes, it certainly is possible. Human plasticity and resilience are more flexible than we often realize, and improvement is seen in many cases with appropriate intervention. There's an old saying: “The parent who raises you is more important than the parent who gave birth to you.” This highlights how modern society often places excessive emphasis on the relationship with biological parents. Historically, humans have acquired the functions traditionally associated with “parents” through social relationships. This understanding of human nature offers valuable insights for adults seeking to resolve attachment disorders. It involves cultivating diverse, broad, and shallow relationships rather than fixating on specific ones; prioritizing safety and security by distancing oneself from non-attachment-supportive environments; and particularly, engaging in aerobic exercise to regain physical safety and security, which is instrumental in restoring attachment.
In clinical practice, attachment disorders are conceptualized as the same phenomenon as trauma (developmental trauma) viewed from a different angle. Therefore, trauma care is also highly effective for resolution.
Point 1: Recognize that “attachment” can be restored
・Misconceptions about “attachment” – It is not ‘irreparable’ but recoverable
The problem with attachment theory is the misconception that it continues to influence individuals like a “second gene.” Attachment theory is ultimately just a hypothesis. Paradoxically, it's also important not to become overly fixated on the attachment perspective. Attachment refers to the way infants and young children, unable to ensure their own survival, seek safety and security from specific caregivers. It points to only a very limited yet crucial part of the vast human system. Even if attachment isn't sufficiently secured due to unfortunate circumstances, it can be fully recovered through subsequent environments.
Some people view attachment disorders as something irreversible and take them too seriously, but that is a misunderstanding. Recovery is possible through dedicated effort. Knowing that attachment disorders can be overcome is also crucial for overcoming them.
Point 2: Create a Safe and Secure Environment
・Remove Yourself from Stressful Environments
If your current environment is highly stressful, attachment will inevitably become unstable. Since attachment involves trust and bonds at an existential level, an environment where you are only loved when you achieve results or meet expectations is not conducive to stable attachment.
Those with insecure attachment tend to unconsciously place themselves in unfavorable environments. It is crucial to distance yourself from environments with high stress levels or where you feel unacknowledged. The key is choosing a better environment and gradually building trusting relationships with various people.
・Supporting Each Other with Partners and Family at a Healthy Distance ~ Cultivating Bonds Through Loose Social Connections
It's vital to consciously become each other's safe haven and support one another with current partners and family. Humans are social creatures, and human bonds aren't just formed by biological parents but also by friends, seniors, teachers, bosses, lovers, and spouses within society. In doing so, hold the thought “You're okay” in your heart. Even if you perceive shortcomings in the other person, accept them as “You're okay.” What we truly desire isn't having our mistakes pointed out, but a safe environment where we can be accepted just as we are, even when vulnerable. Even within family, it's essential to understand that the other person is a separate individual with their own style, and moderation is key.
・Engage in Aerobic Exercise (Exercise Therapy)
Exercise therapy involves activities like aerobic exercise to improve and restore brain and bodily functions. It has been shown to be highly effective in improving various mental disorders.
The well-documented effects of exercise include stimulating neurogenesis (the creation of new neurons) in the brain, leading to improved cognitive function. Rat studies show neurogenesis can increase three to fourfold. Exercise also enhances synaptic plasticity and transmission efficiency, activating the circulation of neurotransmitters in the brain. Furthermore, it is believed that exercise helps restore body awareness and recovers bodily functions like the autonomic nervous system, immune system, and endocrine system.
(For example, in treating depression, exercise therapy is statistically the most effective method among all therapies. It has no side effects and is associated with minimal relapse.)
Even with aerobic exercise, intense workouts aren't necessary. Walking for about 30 minutes, two or three times a week, is sufficient. If going out during the day is difficult, walking at night, or doing yoga or Pilates indoors are also effective. Recently, you can easily do yoga yourself by following videos on platforms like YouTube.
・Get Adequate Sleep and Nutrition
Ensuring sufficient sleep and consuming proper nutrition (well-balanced meals) are also extremely important (more crucial than medication or counseling). Without adequate sleep and nutrition, even the best doctors or counselors cannot help you improve. Insufficient sleep and nutrition place you in a state of internal instability, far removed from a secure attachment environment. When attachment disorders are present, individuals may further engage in behaviors that worsen their condition (self-neglect). To break free from such self-neglect, consciously improving sleep and diet is essential. For diet, avoid extreme methods and aim for three balanced meals daily. Regarding sleep, research shows that consuming adequate protein at breakfast increases sleep-inducing substances in the evening. Utilizing sleep medication may also be necessary to reap the benefits of sleep.
Sleep, diet, and aerobic exercise are by no means mere platitudes or moralistic advice. They are highly effective methods of self-care that everyone should definitely incorporate into their routine.
Point 3: Avoid Overly Fixating on the Relationship with the Caregiver (Mother)
Attachment disorder refers to the lingering effects of not receiving a safe and secure environment in early childhood, leading to various problems. To resolve it, it is necessary to alleviate the underlying anxiety.
While the perspective of “relationship with the caregiver” is highly effective as a story explaining the cause, overly fixating on the relationship with the caregiver during resolution prolongs the problem.
While cases may exist where the caregiver is driven by guilt, or the individual focuses on seeking reconciliation or an apology from the caregiver, leading to a positive outcome, disappointment is more common. This is because the other person rarely changes easily. Often, the caregiver themselves exhibits characteristics of attachment disorder or developmental disorders, which may have contributed to a detached parenting style.
Persuading the other person to understand your suffering is difficult. Instead, it's more important to move toward resolution. Heal the primal attachment anxiety you carry. Like those with secure attachment do during their rebellious phase, let go of your fixation on your parents and the values they imposed. Focus on becoming independent, growing, and forming loose connections with various people in society.
Point 4: Resolve fixation on the past ~ Update your “Internal Working Model”
・What is the Internal Working Model? ~ The “Safe Base” Within the Mind
As mentioned above, adults internalize attachment. Even without the attachment figure present, they gain reassurance by simulating interactions internally. This is called the “Internal Working Model” . The internal working model concerning attachment consists of a self-image that perceives oneself as worthy of love and the trust that one will be loved and helped by attachment figures. This inner safe base is called the “Internal Working Model.”
・Objectively Examine the Past and Re-Interpret Its Meaning
Professor Mari Kubota of Toyo Eiwa University, drawing on Main's research, states: "Stable attachment in adulthood does not mean that past or present parent-child relationships have always been warm and affectionate, or that there have been no traumatic experiences related to attachment. Rather, it means being able to freely recall both positive and negative events as past facts, discuss them frankly without emotional conflict, and objectively examine them as one's own meaningful history. and that one can place deep value on the significance of ‘attachment’ in life.“ (Mari Kubota, ”Attachment Research" (Kawashima Shoten)).
・Resolving Inner Resentments
We cannot travel back in time in a time machine. Improving parent-child relationships also requires the other person's cooperation, and the emotionally moving parent-child reconciliation scenarios often described in therapy cases do not always occur. It is also true that some parents simply cannot demonstrate the reconciliation we might hope for. Rather, we understand that resolving inner resentments and reframing their meaning is the most direct path to regaining attachment security.
By resolving these lingering feelings and restoring your self-image and the trust that you are lovable, you can expect to regain attachment security without needing to undertake difficult tasks like reconciling with your parents or starting your life over.
・Addressing the various symptoms caused by insecure attachment
Various problems stemming from attachment disorders (such as depression, anxiety disorders, and addictions) can be addressed through consultations at psychosomatic medicine clinics or counseling centers.
Point 5: Resolve Trauma
・Trauma and Attachment
Attachment and trauma are concepts originally established separately, though they stem from the same underlying phenomena (inappropriate caregiving, adverse experiences). There is no doubt that trauma (traumatic experiences) significantly impacts attachment.
Trauma refers to stress disorders incurred in nurturing environments, unreasonable memories (≈ harassment) that hinder proper attachment formation, and similar experiences. Suffering trauma causes problems like overactivity in the brain and autonomic nervous system, excessive adaptation, hypervigilance, dissociation, and hyperarousal. In adults, unresolved trauma or fixation can block the updating of the “internal working model,” hindering the formation of secure attachment. Trauma can arise even without clearly major events like abuse. (Professor Kenichiro Okano refers to this as “relational stress.”)
→Related articles here
What Are Trauma (Developmental Trauma), PTSD, and Complex PTSD? Causes and Symptoms
・Trauma Hinders the Updating of the “Internal Working Model”
The “internal working model” is constantly updated over time based on the environment and experiences in the moment. However, trauma interferes, preventing proper updates. The core issue of insecure attachment lies not in poor caregiving environments or the trauma itself, but in the obstruction of flexible “learning” (the updating of the internal working model).
・Addressing Trauma Resolution
Trauma refers to unprocessed memories from the past. Even as adults, if past events remain constantly on one's mind, updates to the internal working model cease. Resolving lingering emotional burdens requires addressing the trauma experienced in the past. Trauma resolution necessitates working with a trauma care specialist.
→Related articles here
・What is Attachment Disorder? Its Characteristics and Symptoms
・Attachment Styles / Types and Characteristics of Attachment Disorders: Diagnosis and Self-Check
※ When using content from this site (e.g., through reprinting), please kindly cite this site as the source or provide a link.
References
Junichi Shoji, Makiko Okuyama, Mari Kubota, “Attachment” (Akashi Shobo)
Mari Kubota “Attachment Research” (Kawashima Shoten)
Miyuki Kazui, Toshihiko Endo “Attachment: Bonds Across the Lifespan” (Minerva Shobo)
Miyuki Kazui, Toshihiko Endo “Attachment and Clinical Practice” (Minerva Shobo)
Takashi Okada, “Attachment Collapse” (Kadokawa Sensho)
Takashi Okada, “Attachment Disorder” (Kobunsha)
Takashi Okada, “Overcoming Attachment Disorders” (Kobunsha)
Kazuhiro Takigawa, Ryuji Kobayashi, Toshiro Sugiyama, Shozo Aoki “The Science of Child Development: Attachment and Bonds”
“Child-Rearing Support and Clinical Psychology vol.9 September 2014: Attachment Theory and Clinical Psychology”
Keiko Takahashi, “The Structure of Bonds” (Kodansha Gendai Shinsho)
Shuko Aiko, “Can Attachment Disorders Be Cured?” (Kafu-sha)
Joji Kandabashi, “Notes on Psychoanalysis for Treatment” (Sogensha)
